- Girls that sleep with other peoples husbands.
He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t even like you. He obviously doesn’t love his wife… and he’s not going to leave her for you. YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO BE SOME GUYS second/third/fourth choice. So STOP IT already! You look ridiculous and you are always just going to be his side chick. Nobody likes a side chick.
- Girls who take selfies down their shirt.
“Oh hey look I just got my nails done!” (Nails aren’t even in the picture, all I see are your boobs). “I’m so tired and lonely in bed.” (Are you in a bed? Because it looks like you stuffed your phone down your shirt and took a picture.) I have boobs too and if I want to look at them I’ll just take a peek down my own shirt, thankyouverymuch.
- People who provide a running narration of their life.
All day, everyday these people are tweeting, snapchatting, instagramming and posting on all forms of social media exactly what they are doing 24/7. “I’m getting some eggs at the store.” [Instagrams picture of the grocery store parking lot] I just got home from the store. [Snapchats video I’m putting the eggs away. I’m taking the eggs back out and making an Omelet.”
- People that CHEW obnoxiously loudly.
For the love of God, some of us have misophonia and your chewing makes us want to RIP ALL OF OUR HAIR OUT AND RUN AROUND SCREAMING. You absolutely DO NOT need to be walking around chewing your bubblegum like a cow eating hay in heat. The fact that no one has murdered you for this obnoxious chewing is a testament to the fact that you must have angels watching over you!
- People who wear so much perfume/cologne that they are literally being followed by a cloud of SCENT.
Did you just try to rob the fragrance counter at Macy’s where you were sprayed down with every perfume/cologne known to man by the poor old ladybehind the counter who used it as her only means of self defense??? No? THEN YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO SMELL LIKE YOU JUST TRIED EVERY FRAGRANCE AT THE FRAGRANCE COUNTER.
- People who say they can’t afford to shop organic but go to Starbucks everyday and are constantly bragging about their gold-level Starbucks rewards status.
You can’t afford to buy a $4 carton of my pasture-raised organic eggs but you can spend $10 on a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet’N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice.
- People who have never been active in their activewear but insist on wearing it everywhere.
Do you know what that activewear is actually for? Do you know that YOGA is actually a fitness activity and not just a style of PANTS?
- Girls who contour their face until they are a different person.
Acne cover up? Yes. Councealing the dark bags under your eyes? I understand. Putting on so much make up that you look like you had plastic surgery and are unrecognizable to even your closest friends without makeup? No. It’s not fair to the guys who will wake up to you in the morning.
- Morning people.
Just NO. It is freaking MORNING! What are you so HAPPY about? It is so early in the morning that it’s DARK OUT! I mean maybe you’re just excited because it’s so dark that you’re just really confused and think the day is almost over…. but it’s not, it’s MORNING. And you are still smiling, and chattering and generally pissing me off with your cheerfulness. Get out. I’m still hitting my snooze button for the tenth time.
- People who talk about how disgusting being gay is.
No. Do you want to know what’s disgusting? The fact that McDonald’s Chicken Nuggets are made out of “meat slurry.” Know what else is disgusting? Homophobic bigots who have a God complex.
If you have any of these people in your life- I’m sorry. Unfortunately we’ve probably all been someone who needed to get their shit together at some point in our lives! 😂😂